found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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