4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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