my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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