Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
