I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
