Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize