i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
