if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
