I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
