i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
zippers are such a cool invention
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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