I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
