Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
