you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
