He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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