I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
