sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
