you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
