Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize