Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
