sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Someone stole a lamp last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
