great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
