So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
