i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize