Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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