no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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