I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
