I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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