I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
