dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
