she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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