I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
