Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
