Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
