even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
