Only a mothe r could love this liver
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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