Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
