So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
