i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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