I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
