What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
