I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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