I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
