dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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