I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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