I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
pray to the hookup gods
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
