Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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