You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
