the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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