and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
