so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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