i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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