Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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