Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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