Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
