Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
