they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
