There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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