I skipped work to stalk him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
