You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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