i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
